Kings Elliot on How Her Accidentally- Filmed Panic Attack Turned Into a Powerful Music Video: “It Only Seemed Right for me to Share This”

“When I watched the footage back later that night, I realised that it literally sums up what I wrote the song about.”

Kings Elliot
Kings Elliot

When rising artist Kings Elliot released her debut single “I’m Getting Tired of Me” in late November, she accompanied the stunning track with a video just as stunning. Well… Actually words like “touching”, “moving” and “groundbreaking” might fit better, cause what the video shows is the Swiss-raised, now London-based artist accidentally recording a panic attack she was having, when she was about to film the initial idea for the music video.

Battling borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety, Kings channels her experiences with mental health problems, self-doubt and loneliness, and she uses her art to explore her personality and personal thoughts and fears. The result, “I’m Getting Tired of Me”, is a perfectly-crafted cinematic pop song growing in sound for every note, and growing on us for every listen.

The music video beautifully shows how strength can come from something deeply vulnerable. Kings decided to release the personal footage to remind everyone watching that no matter how bad it gets, it also gets better in the end.

We reached out to the artist to hear the story behind the powerful music video and the thoughts laying ground for publishing it.

We were in the middle of lockdown, there wasn’t much money available but I had an idea in my head for my first video: I’m performing the song while different footage of myself is projected onto me, fitting with “I’m Getting Tired of Me” being about the ongoing struggle with my mental health and not being able to escape myself. I set up the tripod to film that projector footage and hit record. In the middle of a take, I had a panic attack.

My best friend was in the room next door and came over to check on me. They sat on the bed across from me and talked me through my emotions, helping me regulate my breathing. In moments like these, I cannot move and I cannot be touched, I can only be spoken to from a distance until it’s over. It wasn’t until later that I realised the camera had been recording everything.

When I watched the footage back later that night, I realised that it literally sums up what I wrote the song about.

What struck me was that you actually watch me gradually recover, there’s even a moment of peace in my face at some point. And that’s why I wanted to share it. It’s sort of a reminder that panic attacks pass, even though they can feel all-consuming. Especially when they hit you out of nowhere. I speak to so many people on my Instagram about my and their mental health. It only seemed right for me to share this, and let people see that you don’t need to hide it, or be ashamed of your struggles.

Everybody experiences a panic attack differently, but this is how it feels to me.

-Kings Elliot

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