The celebrated Australian Sex Coach offers the kind of Sex Education advice you didn’t learn in school.
We’ve gotten ahold of Juliet Allen – one of Australia’s most celebrated Sexologists, Sexuality Coach, author and Tantra Practitioner. Currently residing on the beach in Northern New South Wales, Juliet prioritises her daily rituals of taking the time out to swim in the ocean and indulge in the daily pleasure of taking hot baths. While facilitating 1:1 coaching sessions, educative workshops, and transformative online courses, Juliet’s mission is to free women and men from mundane and disempowered sexual relationships along with guiding them to a path of living the most empowered and ecstatic sex lives possible.
On that note, we chatted about the challenges that come with the cheerless and rather one-dimensional reality that the majority is introduced to through Sex Ed in public education. Needless to say, a reality that generally does not cover much more than learning the consequences of an unintended pregnancy, being exposed to traumatising photos of STIs and maybe, if you are lucky, a demonstration of how to put a condom on a piece of fruit. Little to nothing is spoken about pleasure, the importance of communicating one’s needs and desires, setting boundaries or anything else that is essential to attain a holistically satisfying sex life. Keep reading to learn Juliet’s thoughts on all this great stuff and be inspired by her well-lived philosophy on sex, spirituality and the vitalising way of everyday living.
Hi Juliet! What’s the story behind your career as a Sexologist?
Well, it’s pretty simple – I’ve always been curious to learn more and explore sex in a big way. I studied psychology when I was a lot younger, then became a yoga teacher. I got bored of saying ‘Namaste’ and wanted a career change! I was chatting with a friend who asked me what I was most passionate about (insinuating that I should go study that). I was like ‘Um, SEX!’ and so I studied a post-grad in Sexology and the rest is history.
You facilitate coaching sessions, online courses, and host educative workshops and are also an author – all the while being a committed mother! How do you balance all of the above?
Well, that’s a very good question, haha! Reality is, sometimes I don’t always balance it, because I’m human. But I definitely prioritise my daughter, she comes first, and being there for her comes first. So, I don’t work outside school hours, and I don’t overbook myself with clients. Pleasure is also a priority – including everyday pleasure like swimming in the ocean and having hot baths … I always make time for this to keep me happy. I also have a superstar PA, Chelsea, she helps me stay organised and takes the work load off my shoulders.
What motivates you to be a Sex Coach?
Working with and supporting individuals and couples to feel empowered and sexually free. This is my mission, and this is what drives me to be a coach. I’m also a people person, I love people, so I find it fun working with such unique beings!
In your opinion, why is it essential to prioritise sexual exploration and educate yourself on all things sex?
Because sex is the essence of LIFE. We all have sexual energy in our body, yet so many people are shut down to that energy and haven’t had the opportunity to learn heaps about sex in a holistic way. So prioritising this in life is essential because when we are experiencing lots of great sex we are naturally healthier and happier human beings!
You’re a practitioner of Tantra, which for many could be a pretty foreign concept. Could you define what it is and describe the role that it plays in your life?
Tantra is very simply choosing with awareness what brings us joy. It’s about including sex as part of our daily life, not necessarily the act of sex, but the sexual energy within us that is so powerful. It’s about deep connection and authentic relations with others, and with ourselves. It teaches us that sex is sacred, and for me, it’s been a portal into experiencing sex as a spiritual practice. I practice Tantra in everyday life, even as a parent! Tantra isn’t complicated at all, it’s a gentle and graceful practice that allows us to deeply connect with each other.
You work with a variety of women that come from all kinds of cultural backgrounds and religious beliefs. What advice do you have for those that have been afflicted by conservative views linked to sexuality?
Do your own research and education on sex, plus invest time and money into getting a coach/therapist who can support you in working on letting go of shame and guilt surrounding sexuality. This is the first step to feeling less affected by what we have been taught and surrounded by growing up.
What do you see as the most common obstacles that stand in the way of having a great sex life?
Time. Bad health. Poor communication. Limited sex education.
What sex knowledge do you wish someone had passed on to you as you were entering adolescence and exploring your sexuality?
I wish that I had been taught about the four centres in the body (the sex centre, tummy, heart and head) and how to check in with those centres before I chose to allow myself to open to sex with someone. I wish I had been taught that my body is a temple and my pussy is the gates to the temple.
In many countries, the ways that sex is being taught has the tendency to be heterosexual and often repressive. How could public Sex Ed change when educating about sex? What kind of knowledge, in your opinion, should school’s incorporate into their programs?
This is a huge question! Sex Ed needs to be more holistic and include talking about the pleasurable side of sex. This is so important. We also need to talk about the importance of consent, boundaries and effective communication. I’ve taught Sex Ed in schools and I always slip in principles of Tantra. The kids love it!
Little is spoken about female pleasure in school Sex Ed, which results in young women starting their sex lives ill-informed about what brings pleasure and how their pussy actually ‘works’. Faking orgasms is another widespread phenomenon a lot of ladies keep quiet about while settling for less than they deserve in their sex lives. How can this be challenged?
Little is spoken about pleasure at all in school sex ed. Adult sex education does focus on female pleasure, which is awesome! I think in general we are very goal focused when it comes to sex, meaning we race to the finish line and feel like we are finished if we experience a clitoral orgasm and ejaculatory orgasm for men. This style of sex is often very quick and disconnected. What I teach is that we need to take out the ‘end goal’ and instead focus on ALL the pleasure, right from the beginning before we even start sex. Reality is, orgasmic energy is in our bodies all the time, it’s just waiting to be woken up and explored. We can be in an orgasmic state for hours. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a big bang orgasm to experience this type of pleasure.
Your educative workshops are primarily held in Australia. Do you have plans for touring abroad any time soon?
Good question! I get daily requests to tour abroad … I will do, one day soon. Like I said, being a Mum is priority.
How has sex changed your life?
Well, sex has always been a big part of my life, since I can remember I’ve been a sexual girl/woman. Sex energises me, revitalises me, and is a portal into something greater than me. I have a beautiful partner and our sex life is just amazing, it’s a big part of our life and how we connect deeply with each other! I LOVE SEX!