Meet the pleasure educator and self-proclaimed pussy whisperer focussed on slowing down and taking pleasure seriously.
Living in a culture that relentlessly promotes instant gratification while pinning the idea of great sex to the notion of the harder-faster-stronger, the better, it’s easy to lose touch with what our body actually needs to stay holistically happy. If we compare quickies to intimate love-making, imagine junk food versus a slow-cooked, homemade meal; one leaving you superficially fulfilled, and one satisfying you for hours. As you may have guessed by now, Elena who is the founder of The Yoni Empire and Onna Lifestyle is all about the latter.
Elena is a sex and pleasure educator, writer and lover of all things pleasure-related. In her blog, the self-proclaimed Pussy Whisperer shamelessly writes about female sexuality and eroticism, encouraging women to tap into their pleasure centres and connect with their heart, body, and mind to attain both sexual and spiritual wellbeing. Elena is on a constant pursuit of seeking pleasure in her everyday life and invites everyone who is tired of living their mundane, unfulfilling sex lives to hop on board and explore the endless orgasmic potential of one’s mind and body. Her work is deeply transformative and once you find yourself on that boat there’s no point of return.
In praise of slow and more conscious sex, I had a chat with Elena who has shared the story of her unconventional healing journey, which led to her sexual awakening and finding her life’s true calling. Today, she is on a relentless mission to equip men and women with the empowering tools and mindsets that are essential for anyone to thrive in their sex lives, as well as a vitalizing day-to-day. Elena inspires others to pay greater attention to sensuality while going in depth into explaining the idea of “internal sexuality. Lean in and read on to learn a rather nonconformist outlook on sexuality and get thought-provoking sex tips that you most definitely won’t find in the glossy pages of Cosmo.
Girls Are Awesome: Hi Elena! Could you talk about what led you to establish The Yoni Empire as a platform?
I was always meant to work in the conscious sexuality industry. From an early age, I have found human sexuality fascinating. The seeds for The Yoni Empire were planted when I was at the university. I had a boyfriend and the kind of sex that we were having was rough, immature and painful. After 6 months of dating and faking pleasure, I developed chronic pussy pain. Vaginismus is involuntary pussy muscle spasms. Penetration is rarely possible and is extremely painful. It is a psychosomatic issue affecting both the body and the mind. Thus, began my 7-year search for healing.
And what did the journey look like for you?
Not a single professional medical doctor was able to help me. I’ve tried every therapy possible. I consider vaginismus as a form of female impotence. You crave to make love but your body is not cooperating with you. It breaks down your soul. After years wasted on medical healing, still living in pain, I took matters into my own hands and began my own research outside of the medical community. It was my first step in my own sexual empowerment. I read every book on sexuality I could find. The information about slow sex, tantra, self-pleasuring & body-love blew my mind. Meanwhile, doctors were offering to cut my vaginal nerves so I would never feel anything again, but at least I would not feel any pain and be “fuck-able”. I finally healed on my own through a holistic approach of yoni massages, muscle stretching and a completely different outlook on sexuality. My body began to feel more pleasure than ever before. Soon after, I experienced a sexual awakening and The Yoni Empire was born. One day I shared my Vaginismus story on Instagram and the rest is history.
You’re all about educating people on sexual health and encouraging the notion of slowness in sexuality. Could you talk about how you understand and communicate this notion to the world and the people you work with?
Great sex is 10% technique and 90% a state of mind. In my opinion, there are two sides to sexuality. First is external sexuality – how we look, who we fuck, how we flirt, our sex skills. Second is internal sexuality – how we feel about sex, what turns us on, our sensuality and the body’s openness to pleasure and orgasms. I believe that epic sex lives in our internal sexuality. That is why I write about self-pleasure, masturbation, desire, sexual responsibility, eroticism and sexual healing. This is where sex magic lives – inside you! Blowjob skills mean nothing if you secretly resent giving your partner oral sex. Having the latest vibrator will not help your body orgasm ‘naturally’ when making love with a partner. Edible panties won’t increase your libido. My work is to go beyond external sexuality, into what truly matters – an individual’s internal experience of self, their body and relationship with pleasure.
You talk about pleasure and the value of incorporating sensuality into all aspects of one’s life. What is your relation to pleasure?
Our sexuality is connected to our ability to feel pleasure throughout the day. Sensuality is a pursuit of pleasure with the senses. We are so obsessed about being unfulfilled sexually that we overlook our sensual starvation. In my view, sexuality without sensuality is incomplete and often leads to unfulfilling shallow gratification. Sex without sensuality is, well…just fucking. Sensual sex is nourishing to the senses, the body and the heart. It is beyond fucking. It’s fucking in love. Sensuality is embodiment. Embodiment is Pleasure. Pleasure is orgasm. In order to be an orgasmic woman, tap into your daily pleasure experiences.
In this day and age it seems that the world of conscious and holistic sexuality is still a niche. Do you face any challenges while communicating the kind of message you put forth?
We live in a fast-paced world where people want maximum results for minimum effort. I notice the same in the sexuality industry. Most popular sex advice barely scratches the surface of human sexuality potential. People want overnight success rates and hot passionate sex daily with a push of a button. I urge women to tap into their internal sexuality and nourish a sexual relationship with the self first and foremost – heal any trauma or issues which are holding one back from pleasure, freely express eroticism and enjoy a sensual life every day. This type of nourishment isn’t an overnight success and takes a leap of faith, discipline and determination on one’s part. The main challenge is having people give up commercial women’s magazine sex advice and open their minds to my message. However, once they do, there is no turning back.
What’s your greatest motivation for continuing your work?
This work is my life’s purpose. I get messages from women daily thanking me because with my help they have orgasmed for the first time, healed chronic pussy pain, opened their body to more pleasure or healed their romantic relationships are gifting me the courage to keep doing what I do. My work is humbling. It fills my heart and soul. I support women in being more orgasmic. Can you think of a better job than that?
Tell us about Onna Lifestyle.
Ever since I healed my own chronic pussy pain with yoni massage, I have been yearning to create a tool for self-massage. I called it the pussy reflexology stick. However, I am clueless about product manufacturing, technology and logistics. I’m a writer & body-worker. I work with humans and words. One day I went out for dinner with a group of new friends. As usual, when I’m around, the dinner table subject turned to sex. I made a typical Elena-sarcasm-naughty joke. The only person who laughed was a woman sitting across from me. Her name was Adela. We instantly connected.I found out that she was in the process of creating a pleasure toy brand and was on the search for someone like me. I spent the rest of that dinner chatting with her and the rest is sex toy history. Perfectly complimenting each other with our skill sets, we launched Onna Lifestyle a few months later. I’d like to think that two of my favourite things brought us together – food and sex.
Is there a way in which the sex toys you produce are different from the others on the oh-so-colourful market of dildos and vibrators out there?
I truly believe that the world does not need another vibrator. What the world needs is an understanding of the female sexual psyche and tools to support female pleasure and sexual healing. Onna Lifestyle pleasure toys are tools for sexual self-development & healing. There is an epidemic of women unable to orgasm during partner sex. My goal is to support women in that. Using the sex toys to practice slow self-pleasure, yoni self-massage, yoni mapping and de-armouring is a way to expand one’s orgasmic body potential. By using non-vibrating toys, a woman is able to re-teach her body to feel pleasure and orgasms without the need for high-intensity vibrating toys. She is then able to bring this knowledge to the bedroom and share with her lover. Many sex toys are created by men and are phallic-centric. In reality, what gives women lots of sexual pleasure are sex toys created specifically for the vagina by people who understand how vaginas work. Some of the best sex toys don’t look like penises at all. Sorry boys!
You’ve worked with multitudes of women and seen a broad diversity of sex health-oriented issues. In your opinion, what is the common reason for women’s inability to orgasm, pussy numbness and low libido?
In my opinion, the main reason is lack of understanding of the female sexual psyche and arousal. Most people are having conventional sex – modern mechanical sex-obsessed with skills and orgasm. In an effort to orgasm, lovers’ movements become faster, harder, more aggressive and more unconscious. The goal of orgasm interferes with pleasure. It causes stress of performance and satisfaction – both people determined to force an orgasm as a way to finish the session successfully. This type of sex happens in the mind instead of the body. Conventional sex is lacking in sensuality, pleasure, an abundance of time and patience. Conventional sex is fast-food sex. It fills up the craving short-term yet leaves you drained and exhausted long-term. Conventional sex is one of the main reasons why couples stop having sex. It is especially damaging to the female body and sexual psyche. Hard-core and impatient thrusting, lack of foreplay, unconscious penetration, expectations and guilt-tripping to have sex all turn a woman off sex over time. Her body begins to armour and close down. That’s when numbness, dryness and inability to orgasm begin to appear.We are living in a culture of severely under-fucked and unloved women. Women living without the ambience of sensual and sexual love wilt and dry up like flowers, often experiencing depression, despair and stress.
On your blog, you often state that the most important sexual relationship is the one you have with yourself and self-pleasure is essential. Could you talk a bit about why this is so vital?
It is common to blame your partner for having a crappy sex life. In reality, our primary sexual relationship is with the self. If you do not know what gives you pleasure then how could you expect your partner to know? Being great in bed is about understanding your own eroticism and befriending your body. Once you know who you are sexually, you can share it with your lover.
We are a fermenting glob of personal challenges – sexual trauma, insecurities, addictions, unresolved issues & resentments, etc. There are many factors which impact sexual dissatisfaction whether you are single or in a relationship and it is our individual responsibility to take care of them.
What does sexual empowerment mean to you and why should we aim to be having empowered sex?
Sexuality is a vital part of our being. Living in abundance of sexual nourishment is vital to our emotional and physical health. Instead of concentrating on sexual empowerment, I urge women to concentrate on sensual empowerment. If you want to be more orgasmic, nurture your sensuality. Open yourself to pleasure, no matter how small. Pleasure is everywhere. Be turned on by life! It’s not about what you look like or whom you fuck. It is how you feel in your body and heart. It is the freedom with which you express your eroticism and the courage you have to share it with another human being.